I have created a monster

Thursday 8 January 2009

This morning whilst I was putting on makeup round here a knock came at the back door of my room. I called, 'Come in!' We never lock doors round here, you know.

Little Lisa padded in, in her powder-blue footsie pyjamas. 'Jessy's still in there!' she said, not really complaining, and got herself onto the potty behind me. Certainly I don't mind. Now I have never been one for too much shared intimacy, even between sisters, but little Lisa has no idea of any of that and considers every part of her life to be simple innocence, never thinking she has anything to hide at all. 'Are you all better?' she asked.

I opened my eye wide, drawing on liner. 'Yes,' I said-- really sort of groaned in that position. I was sick yesterday and stayed home. A lot of sleep helped.

'Am I going to catch it?'

'No,' I said. Before going to the other eye I added, 'Not unless you lick the inside of my juice glass or something.'

'Ewww....' She flushed and got off. Next I knew she was standing beside me. 'Why do you put so much coloury stuff on your face?'

I made a smirk at her. 'I didn't know I did,' I said wryly. Really, I don't.

'It's pretty,' she said after a moment.

I nodded. 'Don't you have breakfast or something to eat?'

She giggled. 'Am I in your way?'

'No....' I reached down and cuddled her against my side for a moment. 'I just have to get ready, that's all.'

She took a step back as a gesture. 'How many boys like you?'

I laughed. 'Who said any of them do?'

Now she made the smirk. (It's Daddy's trait. Mommy would never have.) 'Just that you're so pretty. I bet a lot of them do.'

I got a little red. (Should I have?) 'There's more to being liked than what you look like.'

She sighed, theatrically. 'I know. Like at school all the boys like video games. And Wii.'

I smiled at her, in the mirror. 'And since when do you care what boys like?'

'I don't,' she said. 'I just know that that's what they like.'

'Boys my age aren't much different,' I said.

'Are they more like Daddy?'

I laughed out loud. 'Hah! I wish!' Then I thought better of that and just said, 'I just don't think I need to attract boys just because they're there. If I meet the right one, fine. If I don't, I don't care. I'm not going to change what I want because of them.'

'Then why are you putting on makeup?'

I went red then. Grrr! 'I don't know,' I said. 'I just think I should look a little presentable. It's not just for the boys. It's for teachers and other girls and anyone I happen to meet. I don't want to make my eyes look like I just woke up.'

Lisa giggled out loud. 'But you did just wake up!'

'Since when did you start recognising hypocrisy?'

She giggled again, having no idea of what I just said. 'Well,' she said after a moment, 'I'm not going to attract boys either.'

'Good girl,' I said.

She smiled, shyly now. 'I think Richard likes me,' she said.

I smiled back at her, in the mirror. 'How do you know?'

She shrugged, hooking her fingers together in front of herself and turning on her heels, back and forth, like she does. 'I don't know....'

'Things he says? The way he looks at you? The way he tries not to look like he's looking at you?'

'I guess....'

'Stay away from him,' I said, and capped the mascara.

She giggled. 'Then how can I get him to like me?'

'You just said you didn't want to attract boys,' I pointed out.

She shrugged again, still standing there twirling back and forth on her heels. 'I guess I don't.'

I turned round and kissed her head. 'They'll come after you soon enough,' I said. 'Don't change yourself. No reason to be impatient.' And I went out to my room to finish getting dressed.

She-- of course-- followed me. I put on the skirt first and then pulled up the tights; it was tidier. Lisa watched me and then said, 'Why do you wear high heels?'

'Oh,' I said, 'these aren't so high.' They're about 2-1/4"-- I actually measured them once.

'Mummy wears them because she's so short,' Lisa said. 'But you're not short.'

I shrugged. 'I'm about average.' Then I looked at her, leaning on the side of my bed with one arm gazing up at me. 'Most girls are about the same height as me.'

'If they're all the same, how come you have to wear high heels?'

Where does she get this? I smiled a little, though it was almost uncomfortable being grilled on stupid feminine-wiles stuff by a 5-year-old. 'I always feel better in heels,' I said. 'So does your mummy. I feel serious, like I have important stuff to do. Also they help your legs. They actually keep them lean and tight and make you look better.'

Lisa was nodding. She had got that-- a little too well. 'So you want to look nice for the boys?'

I laughed. 'Will you stop about the boys?'

She giggled. Then she got suddenly shy again. 'Mummy says I can't wear them till I'm bigger.'

'I should hope not,' I said.

'She says I can't have toe shoes either.'

'No, not till your feet are grown more.'

'I want to learn pointe,' she said.

I smiled at her. 'You will.'

She smiled at me too. 'You did,' she said. 'Mummy says you were really good.'

'Hey! Maybe I still am.'

'Maybe you should dance more now,' Lisa said, 'so I can see you.'

I looked at myself in the mirror-- hair in place, sweater even all round, skirt patted down, tights smooth. 'You would like that?' She nodded eagerly. 'Well,' I said, 'maybe I just will.'

Lisa beamed at me and then I collected my purse and we went out. Down in the front hall Mother scooped up Lisa for a hug and then kissed me too. Jessy descended, nearly late as usual. 'About time, princess,' I teased.

Lisa laughed, and Mother put her down. 'When can I get a ride to school with you guys?' Lisa asked.

'Some day when you have school and we don't,' I said. 'We have to leave earlier.'

Jessy bent and kissed Lisa's head too. 'We have standardised tests at some point, and the schedule goes all wack. Maybe then.'

I nodded. 'Maybe then.' I opened the door. It was brittle outside, dry-- for the moment-- and slightly overcast, with a good wind blowing right at us. This house really is on the property backwards, as Daddy has said.

'Bye,' Lisa called, and that made us each turn round and give her a hug and a kiss.

'Bye-bye, sweetheart,' I said closely to her. 'You are a good little sister.'

She beamed at that, as she does, smiling up shyly at me as though to say, 'What? --little old me?' She really is a charmer like that.

'Did she invade you?' Jessy asked as we stepped down to the car. 'I wasn't exactly able to let her in.'

I nodded. 'I don't mind her.'

'No... and she adores you.'

'She adores you too.'

Jessy smiled. We got in and seated ourselves. 'But you're her role model,' she said. 'I'm just a playmate. I indulge her. But she watches everything you do, you know. She absolutely worships you.'

I started the motor. 'Well I don't know about that. She did interrogate me pretty well about makeup and high heels.'

Jessy laughed. 'She would! What did she say?'

'Only that for someone who says she's not trying to attract boys, I'm a hypocrite for trying to make myself look good for them.'

We both laughed then. 'Well, it's true!'

'I know. But it's like too far beyond her. She doesn't get that from Mother. Mother doesn't talk to her about boys. And she sure hasn't taught her to recognise hypocrisy. I just can't imagine where she gets it from.'

'Can't you?'

I looked at her as I reversed out of the yard, and Jessy only smiled sweetly at me.

...