In England, week 1

August 7-14, 2009 (posted by Janine, 00.30 Sat 15 Aug-- London)
Itinerary for the first week:

Sat 8 Aug
- Depart Philadelphia, 6.20 PM

Sun 9 Aug
- Arrive Gatwick, 6.55 AM
- Train to Norfolk (stops twice in London)
- Met by Lady B at train depot, Aylsham.
- Lunch, drive to her house.

Mon 10 Aug
- Conference at UEA, outside Norwich, 10 AM. (I am already accepted here for 2010.)
- Lunch with Lady B, Norfolk city
- Drive past house we rented 2006-2008, photos
- Meet friends from HOH for supper, ice cream, watch '17 Again' and 'John Tucker Must Die' on DVD

Tue 11 Aug
- Conference at U York, 11 AM. (I am tentatively accepted at the meeting.)
- Lunch with Lady B, shopping in York
- Return to Aylsham, eve. (this is like a 3-hour drive.) Games and supper with Lady B & her dad

Wed 12 Aug
- Hanging out with HOH friends, shopping, swimming at pool. 'Near-death experience' when Cara lets wheels slide off tarmac and car almost goes into boggy grass. All are safe. Car muddy. Girls giggly (defence mechanism against being scared witless).

Thu 13 Aug (Rain, slight.)
- Meeting at U Cambridge, AM (Jessy expresses an interest and this ends up being two separate meetings.)
- Meet Daddy, Mother, Lisa & J.J. for lunch (they arrive this morning)
- Return to Lady B's for evening, supper. Watch 'Emma' on DVD-- Lisa glued to it.

Fri 14 Aug
- Visiting Houghton Hall, Houghton beach with Lady B, photos, etc
- Drive down to London, PM, check into Swallow, Earl's Court. Jessy and I have long walk in town, take photos, get propositioned by cute but somewhat rude guys. Making plans for tomorrow.
...

A change of seasons

Monday, 4 May 2009

I got to homeroom almost late and the teacher wasn't even in the room yet. Becky sits in front of me. She watched me step over her cumbersome backpack and sit down and then turned round to lean on the front of my desk. 'My God,' she said, 'how can you look gorgeous on a Monday?'

I laughed. 'What?'

'That skirt.... I swear you have a bottomless well of clothes.'

'I do not! I've had this a long time.'

I like the charcoal-on-white toile skirt. But I try not to do the monochromatic thing too far-- today I had on a navy top with the white shirt tied over it like a shrug and the black pumps... and NO hose. Well-- in spite of the rain it's still spring. I crossed my legs below the knee like Mother always reminds us to do and Becky sighed. 'So you got it in England?'

'The skirt?' I nodded.

'God....'

Beside me, Vivian looked me over and then said, 'I like the skirt too, Janine. I wish I could get something like that round here.'

I shrugged. The teacher came in, the bell went off, and then we had to stand for the Pledge. As we all sat down Becky leaned over the front of my desk again. 'That reminds me-- if I can go out shopping this week, will you come with me?'

I nodded at once. 'Of course. It would have to be Wednesday, though. Where do you want to go?'

'Oh, like, whatever's around--'

I patted her hand on my desk. 'We'll go down to Lynnhaven. They have everything there.'

'Oo, that long way?'

I smiled at her again. 'I'll have the car. Think nothing of it.'

The teacher came in then. Beside me Vivian was still looking at the skirt.

At lunch I sat with Jessy's usual posse. It must be remembered by now that this was once Rita's posse... and Jessy has emerged as the indisputable princess of the tenth-grade girls, with not only the concession of but the full support of Rita, gorgeous Rita, herself. Half of them were there when I arrived with a dish of salad and an iced tea. Becky hurried up just as I sat down and drew out the chair next to me. 'Hi,' she said breathlessly.

'Hi yourself,' I said.

'Janine-- did you get asked to prom?'

I looked at her. 'No... why? Did you?'

'No....'

Jessy looked up at once. 'You should go together,' she said.

I wrinkled my nose. 'Oh-- that is so trite. Girls going with each other because they don't have dates--'

Rita slapped the table-- not loudly, but we all looked at her. 'Janine! No one's asked you?'

I shrugged. 'So what?'

Josie said, 'They probably all think someone else has asked you. You should--'

'What? Advertise?' They laughed. 'Come on-- it's only a dance.'

Jessy pouted at me. 'But you should go.'

'So? You're not going.'

'It's a junior-senior prom,' she said.

I shrugged. 'Well, you could go with one of the junior guys who is not asking me,' I said. 'Besides there are enough people in this school who think I'm queer as it is; I'm not going to--'

They all laughed. 'Janine,' Becky said, 'NO one thinks you are queer.'

I looked at her. 'Well, I thought that--'

'Totally not,' she said definitely.

'Triple threat, love,' Jessy said to me, and I looked at her then. 'You're the princess. And we all know why none of them has asked you yet.'

Becky smiled. 'There are no princes at this school!' And they all giggled at that.

But there aren't. I've already noticed that. None of them seem willing to step out of what they are and aspire to be something better. They all actually believe that this little peninsula is the alpha and omega of their existence. But of course-- they've never been to other countries, seen other people, done other things. If you don't count eastern Maryland (20 minutes north) then I would say that most of them have never even been out of this state (and that includes Delaware, 90 minutes away). Oh, I know that travel alone does not make someone one thing or another. But my point is that I shouldn't expect them to welcome and warm to someone who is so obviously different from the way they are. The guys have got to have some idea of what to expect if they went out with me, and you've got to admit that a lot of guys would rather go to prom with at least a chance of getting something out of it to make the tuxedo rental worth it. There are plenty of easier girls at this school besides me. Why should they bother?

And wouldn't it just be the perfect piece of humiliation for the superior little bitch from somewhere else anyway?

Rita-- beautiful, uberpopular Rita, the one going with a junior guy to the prom, said then, 'We're having a pool party at our house the day after. All of you are invited.'

Becky looked at me, caught my arm excitedly, then let go. She never gets invited anywhere. 'Rita,' I said, 'you don't have to--'

'But it's already planned,' she said simply, and I wondered if it really was. 'I'm sorry I didn't say so sooner, that's all.'

People started talking about their expectations of the pool party. I started my salad. Becky let five minutes go and then leaned in and said, 'Steve doesn't have a date. His stupid girlfriend dumped him.'

I nodded. 'Probably already going with someone else,' I said.

'No. He isn't-- Oh, her. Yes, probably. But he likes you, and--'

'He scarcely even knows me.'

'Well, he would like you, if--'

I patted her arm. 'Thanks, Becky. Now what are we shopping for this week?'

She brightened. 'Oh! Anything that makes me look... better.'

I laughed. 'Well-- we'll see.'

Really I am not disappointed. I have not even thought much about it. I can come up with a hundred things to do that weekend that don't include going to prom, or even that would get in the way of going to prom. I've never been big on these formal dances. I don't dance freestyle that well and I don't like pretending I have to be loyal to some guy who's only asked me because all the other girls were taken. At HOH we had formals twice a year-- it was an all-girls' school and so most girls didn't have dates. We just looked at it like an event that we should attend, maturely and politely, not just as an excuse to be seen with some boy. Sometimes girls showed up with dates-- about four times as many didn't. It wasn't an issue.

Oh, and it's not that I don't have a dress-- I have several. I've been to enough formal things in my life that I have a collection, none of which the people at this school have ever seen. I could show up in anything and look like a princess. Well-- if Jessy will, I will. I would rather go with Jessy than with anyone. She's only in 10th but a 10th-grader is allowed to come as my 'date'. We'll have the car and Roger to drive us. We'll show up and look like princesses, like two girls who don't quite belong here... which is what we are. Well-- maybe that then. I haven't decided.

I got home from school and got out of everything (except panties) and curled up under the comforters on my bed. It was cloudy and there are no lights on. It's gone very chilly. I don't like feeling alone.

...

Five dollars

Friday afternoon, 9 January 2009

We arrived at the Rehoboth Outlets just before lunch, time enough to visit the Timberland shop and a few others along that way before making our way round to the so-called food court, 'the land of the five-dollar pizza slice' as we call it. (Really they are like 3.25, but still....) Roger met us shortly after and drove us across Route One to the other side, where we picked up stockings, socks, underwear and scarves at the Hanes outlet which is my favourite shop in the whole place (except sometimes the Bali place... depending on my mood). We got Dr Pepper at the burger place and actually sat at the tables outside sipping it. By the time we were done it was nigh onto 4.00 pm and nasty little snow flurries were flecking the sky. On our way back to the car I saw him.

He was shuffling along in pants that were too long and a long ugly grey overcoat, not speaking to or looking at anyone at all, as though his pride would not allow him to look needy. But he was in need. Even as people shied away from him he found a comfortable place to lean outside the rest rooms, which was enough out of the weather for the moment. And we wondered where he would go. The snow built and the sky went darker and there was an ominous sort of portent to the whole afternoon, as though someone somewhere was waiting for something to happen somehow. And then both of us looked at each other.

Jessy drew herself up to her own courage and I would support it. 'Wait,' I said, and dug in my purse. But, the embarrassing thing is... we don't carry cash. Thank God for debit accounts-- yes, maybe 95 percent of the time. Daddy never wants us going away loaded with green money-- he thinks if we're seen using cards we've got nothing worth robbing us for. So as I looked all I had was a five-dollar note and a one-dollar note. Six dollars, to offer someone who had nothing at all.

Daddy told us a funny story once-- a story which does not seem so funny now and did not as Jessy and I stood in the snowfall regarding a poorer, older man who did not want to be an example or a spectacle or a reason for anything. In the Eighties, in the days of his second band, the one which, whilst much more successful, was not the one he enjoyed more (though it did lead him to Mommy), Daddy was in Manhattan for a recording date and it was evening and people got hungry. Daddy and one of his mates braved the 52nd-Street madness at rush hour in the face of an impending snowfall and went looking for anything that would serve the whole studio full. As it turned out they ended up separating for the liquor store, and to wait for his mate Daddy took out his own box of KFC and leaned back against a store front to nibble on it whilst all the people passed. And it was all gone and he happened to drop the last piece, and being basically frugal and having come from nothing he actually leaned down to pick up the dropt piece of fried chicken, as though in New York it could ever have had any value to a human being again (really just so it wasn't litter, you know). And the woman stopped in front of him.

Now my daddy has always had longish hair. He likes to say it's 1968 original equipment (although he was not born in 1968 that's when his hair first got long). And in his performing days it was usually very well kept, long and lush and actually very pretty, although I have seen him sweaty and messy after a show as often as I'd like to and also in the studio so many gentilities go lacking, you know. He was probably looking a shambles leaning against a building on crowded 52nd Street in the face of a snowfall, in need of a shave, with sweaty hair, in a well-abused Army jacket, ripped jeans, torn sneakers, matted sweatshirt, probably no gloves-- this is my dad on a day off, you know. And he had bent over to pick up a dropt piece of KFC chicken. And the woman in a nice wool coat and stockings stopped in front of him and said, 'Here, you poor soul, take this. I'm sorry it's all I have.'

And he looked up, stunned really, and she left it in his surprised hand and went off.

When his mate stepped out with the bottles they both had a really good laugh at it. Daddy waved the five-dollar note round and round like a flag. 'I'm a bum, I'm a derelict!' he announced to the whole street, much too inappropriately, but it must have seemed a riot to him. After all, in spite of that lady's good clothes-- and good heart-- he was probably considerably richer than she had been, even then. At the studio they all had a good laugh at it, and then went on recording and that was that. The good thing about Daddy is that he never forgot that story, went on to donate some pretty good money to one of New York's homeless shelters, and raised his children to have compassionate hearts.

I have asked him whatever became of the very five-dollar note the woman gave him, because I might have liked to seen it framed somewhere, like a reminder to us to be generous. He told me nothing special became of it, that it was just money. Mommy told me once that he had told her he had given it to the very next homeless person on 52nd Street... which I believe.

The homeless man leaned back against the wall outside the rest rooms and wrapped his coat round himself more. It was freezing by now and nearly fully dark. I folded the five-dollar note from my purse round my fingers and practically lunged after him. Behind me, Roger pulled up at the kerb. Jessy waved at him to wait and came with me.

The man looked up as though I were about to rob him. (Why do they always think that?) Drawing a long breath I said gently, 'Here, you poor soul. Please take this. It's all I have.'

'What--?' he scowled at me.

'Please,' I said, extending my arm. I would not look like I would not get too close and stepped right up to him. 'Please.... get some hot tea or something.'

He looked at me, looked at Jessy, swiped the note from my hand, and disappeared into the rest room lobby. Through the window we saw him shuffling away, looking mistrustfully over his shoulder at us, till he had gone into the men's room.

We did not speak to each other as we turned and went back across the covered pavement to the idling car. Roger stood up straight, opened the back door for us, and saw us into the back seat. People stared at us as though we were Mary-Kate and Ashley. I felt like Mary Magdalene.

There is a line from a Sting song that Daddy has often played for us that goes:

'Hide my face in my hands; shame wells in my throat
'A comfortable existence reduced to a shallow shameless party'.

From now on I shall carry more cash in my purse... just because I don't really need it.

...

Christmas panties

Saturday 27 December 2008

Jessy and I were shopping last week and we found these adorably cute all-cotton panties in Family Dollar for Christmas. They are just plain bikini cut, a bit higher on the leg than most of mine, which is comfortable, all-cotton, and they were available in a variety of colours, all with the same print candy canes and snowmen and holly sprigs and snowflakes. We giggled to see them and then decided to treat ourselves to some Christmas cheer. The ones I got are bright green and hers are pale pink. Later in the mall we bought for each other, as sort of a present, a couple pairs of these very high knee socks with a cute pattern of little secular symbols round a white band at the top and along the sides, like the seam in those sexy stockings. We each got a set in bright red and a set in a lighter green. This is pretty much what I have been wearing this season-- I've already washed this stuff three times.

Half of the time since Christmas I have been lolling round this room mostly undressed and the socks, which come over my knee, and the big fluffy light-grey polartec pulli have made a pretty comfortable outfit. The night we watched the video with Gran I pulled on white ballet tights and pulled the socks on over them again and that was perfectly comfortable and presentable for round the house since the pulli comes down almost like a minidress. Daddy said I looked cute-- that was of course before Jessy came down in bright-red boxer shorts under her long navy-blue sweater and looked cuter. Little Lisa came down for the video in her actual ballet leotard and tights, and a new sweater she got for Christmas, and then sent the cute-o-meter off the stops. But it's the Christmas season and I enjoy being able to be warm and cosy and somehow relieved of the responsibility to wear clothes, or at least proper clothes.

We have got church in the morning (and yes already picked out my clothes) and I am not going to stay online at 4.00 am rambling about junk like this!

...

A big-girls' evening

Friday 24 October 2008

My cellphone alarm went off at 7.20 this morning while I was still in the car on the way to school. Jessy looked over from the other seat at me. 'Is that--?'

I nodded briskly. 'You know it is!' And we shared an excited giggle then.

'High School Musical III' has been announced over and over for months. It was to open tonight and for at least the last six weeks my cellphone alarm has been set to remind me when this day came. We went through school all agog with the excitement of knowing that this afternoon we'd be off on our way to see this long-awaited feature. Along the way we were able to entice both Becky and Rita to join us. Oddly Anna was not interested in seeing it. And Josie would be seeing it with her cousin and younger sister. Most importantly we were to pick up a very special guest, en route to VB immediately after school.

When Roger arrived with the dark-green Cadillac the booster seat was already in place. We swung round to the primary school and I got out, to stand in the warm, almost-raining afternoon mist to meet little Lisa as she scurried out from her classroom door. 'Janine!' she squealed, crashing headlong into my arms.

I scooped her up at once and hugged her. 'Are you all ready to go?'

She nodded enthusiastically. 'I told all my friends I was going to see the movie,' she said. 'With my big sisters.'

I kissed the side of her head. 'We're going to have ourselves a big-girl evening, right?'

She made that nod again.

Of course I rang Mother from the car to let her know we had collected Lisa and were on out way. Rita and Becky were amused and impressed that Jessy and I were having out five-year-old sister join us. But that was half the fun. Lisa sat in her booster seat in the middle of the back seat, with Jessy to her left and me to her right and Rita and Josie in the other seats facing us. We went over the 22-mile bridge into VB and pulled up at the Lynnhaven mall at about 4.00. First we ran over and got tickets. There was a bit of a queue there so Becky and I left Jessy and Rita there with the money and took Lisa to the toilets. It was fortunate that we were able to get booked for the 6.45 show. Then we had the chance to wander round the mall a bit, looking in all the shops, and I bought Lisa a kid's-size shirt in Aero.

'I want to wear it next school day,' she said. 'I'll be cool.'

She just loves thinking of herself as being just like Jessy and me. Even as she idolises us we both adore her for it. 'You sure will be,' Jessy said. 'And I can wear my Aero shirt too,' Jessy was saying, 'and we'll be twins.'

Lisa giggled hard at that. 'And I can wear mine,' Becky was saying to her, 'and maybe we can all be cool together.'

Lisa beamed, dangling along on the end of my arm. This really was a thrill for her.

We had supper at Chick-Fil-A and then got ourselves to the cinema-- after a precautionary trip to the toilets again-- for the movie. Jessy noted that the first for-film edition of an HSM movie appeared 'juiced' or as Rita called it 'amped up'. The colours are crisp and the close-ups are vibrant and alive somehow. I don't know how else to describe it. It just hits you like spice or lightning or a drum crack or something. We all adored the story from start to finish. There really are no dull spots in the whole film. The ending (I won't say what happens yet) was satisfying because you are expecting that Troy will choose one option for his future, and then another, and the option he chooses is a total surprise and yet perfect for both his future and his character. Many Christian and children's groups have consistently praised the 'HSM' series because it is more like what Disney used to do-- entirely G-rated, you know, with nothing at all inappropriate, and a definite moral center. After all Troy never even kisses Gabriella till the end of the second movie! But it's still very romantic, especially the dancing scene on the rooftop. Jessy observed that Gabriella wears a cross round her neck. The stuff about Troy as a little boy is adorable (half the cinema sighed 'Awww!').

The best part for us is that little Lisa, who is a smart little girl but still just five years old, got most of the details of the movie including the ending. All the way home over the bridge we all talked about it, till Lisa fell asleep with her head on my shoulder. That was good because we would avoid any superfluous stops for the potty.

Roger delivered Becky and then Rita at their homes and Lisa finally woke up about five minutes from our house. It was 10.25 when I carried her up to the door. Mother met me as I was starting up the steps. 'How was it?' she asked softly.

'Everyone had a nice time,' I said. 'Some of us sort of overdosed on big-girl fun tonight.'

She smiled. 'Well, no one has to get up early tomorrow.'

'I won't,' I said. Lisa sighed sleepily. I got her into her pyjamas and helped her brush teeth and Mother came up to say prayers and tuck her in. In my room I got undressed and started typing in this but I fell asleep... and so what is typed here has been done over this weekend.

...

Over the bridge and far away (part II)

Saturday 11 October 2008

Jessy and I have been planning on a day to visit the mall in Virginia Beach and as the week unfolded we ended up inviting cute little Rachel (Jessy's 10th-grade class president) to join us. Daddy, ever protective, would not allow just anyone to drive us the long way over the Bay Bridge-Tunnel and into the wilds of VB and so arranged that Roger would chauffeur us in the green Cadillac. We did not get under way till after 1.00, when Rachel finally rang and said she was done her chores. ('Chores?' Princess Jessy said on the phone. 'Chores? Could you describe what a "chores" looks like?')

Going over the bridge there is a bit too much wind to stand up and squeal out the roof window (we've tried), but with that open and the back windows down we were full of the cool sea breeze even sitting across the back seat. The sun was just a little over to the right and brilliant-- it looked like the kind of day you'd want to throw your arms round and hang onto forever. Rachel was thrilled. She'd never been to the mall in VB before.

Lynnhaven was busy as ever. Roger stopped at the kerb and came round to open the door for us, and I alighted, then Rachel, then Princess Jessy. We were all dressed casually, in jeans and t-shirts, though neatly and cleverly. Naturally people turned and looked at us like we were starlets. (I admit that this is one reason I love having Roger drive us.) I tossed my head and happened to remember the Aeropostale store was not far away, so I just said, 'Oh, hullo, dears, here it is!' and led them off to the doors. Jessy had to ring Roger with her phone to give him an idea of where and when to meet us. Well sometimes image is more important than logistics!

At AE we all bought bras. This is really my favourite place to buy them. I am lucky-- I can lift them right off the rack and know the fit beforehand. Jessy is still developing (sorry) and she and Rachel went into a dressing room together. Jessy said that Rachel was trying one on over her own bra till she turned round. I didn't have to ask-- I knew Jessy would have been all bare from the waist, trying it on and toying with the fit, almost as casual if she'd been trying it on right in the store. She simply has the kind of personal confidence that doesn't allow fear. She'd never do something like that of course-- try on a bra in the store, or a swimsuit, or really anything more than outerwear, because she is after all a lady. But it's not from fear or embarrassment. A lady is a lady because it is how she shows respect for others, and also for herself. Whether or not she feels comfortable doing this or that, she is ever aware of the comfort of other people too.

I don't think anyone seeing Jessy trying on a bra would ever feel uncomfortable about it, at least not because it's such an unpleasant sight. But there are many kinds of discomfort and a lady is always aware of them all.

As for Rachel I think she deserved a little shaking-up. We love her and it'll be good for her to wake up just a little. Maybe that's part of being a lady too.

I hate to say it but we felt like stars all day. We sat at a table for pizza ($3.00 a slice. Go figure) and at the next table were two eager children and their exhausted mother, all of whom seemed to stare at us as though we were someone they should have known. I really don't know why we seem to get this. We're not Haylie and Hilary's characters in 'Material Girls' --we're not that stupid or obvious, even if we are somewhat cheerful and animated. People have said that I am a good role model for younger people, and maybe they are right because I constantly find younger people, especially girls but also boys, paying attention to me. The little girl at that other table kept looking at me as though I were... Taylor Swift. 'Hi,' I finally said to her.

'Hi,' she said softly, shyly.

'What did you get today?'

She shrugged. 'We've been shoe shopping,' the young-looking mother said. 'I think I've been in every store here.'

'Yes, but it's fun, isn't it?' I said, and smiled at the little girl.

She nodded but wouldn't say anything else. When we got up to go we all said good-bye to them as though they'd been our supper companions. Later Rachel reported that a pair of 9th-grade girls from our school were lurking a few dozen steps behind us as though they didn't want us to see them there. We all giggled. Well maybe they'd have something to tell everyone else about come Monday.

All in I bought three new bras (one can never have too many), two pairs of opaque tights, a bundle of six pairs of socks, two pairs of soft cotton sleep shorts for the price of one, and a packet of three coconut-scented sachets for my wardrobe... at AE; and besides that there were the food, drinks, a book, the Taylor Swift CD, a black t-shirt, a pair of plain black canvas Vans slip-ons, padded insoles for my Timberland deck shoes, a short grey denim miniskirt, two different VS scents, and a super cool black wool beret. The other girls got some stuff too. Roger swung up like a Godsend to rescue us from the burden of all these purchases, getting out of the car to open the door and then offering to pop the boot (okay, trunk) lid. 'No, thank you,' we said, for we wanted to sort through all our stuff on the ride home. It was nearly dark though and Rachel and Jessy fell asleep on each other's shoulders before we were over the bridge.

...