Lolling

Thursday 11 September 2008

When I got home from school today I went up my little round table in my room, read and typed till I'd got done a good half of my homework, and then went down for tea. Mother is always very happy to serve tea and to ask us all about our day. She and I sat with Lisa and J.J. at the table in the small dining room. Jessy had insisted on doing her homework-- however odd that sounds. And Daddy was not here-- he's been working in the studio that's at our old house up at Lewes because it's more local for the band he's working with. Jessy asked once if this meant we could just move 'home' --the word she used-- to that house. Mother had to think about that. Neither of my parents can say we are actually putting down roots here, but they intend for us two to finish at this high school and having a residence in Virginia looks good for either VCU or William and Mary. And Daddy intends to invest some more. So for now this castle is home.

As I was helping Mother clear off, Jessy sauntered into the kitchen from the front stairs. She was naked except for her low-heeled pink pumps, which she had not worn to school but chosen out of her wardrobe after she'd got home today. It's kind of what she and I do. 'Hey,' I said, deliberately not making any issue out of how she looked.

'Hey--'

'Jesseeeeeee!' little Lisa squealed, running out to give her a hug, which was scarcely round her waist.

Jessy only giggled. Lisa is harmless and adorable. 'I'm sorry I missed tea,' Jessy said as Mother came in with dishes. 'Any ladyfingers left?'

'We didn't have ladyfingers; we had scones,' Lisa told her.

'Oo. Any of those left?'

'Yes,' Mother told her, 'but hurry up and eat one, because you'll be running into supper time.'

'Isn't Daddy coming home later?'

Mother shook her head. 'He's on the road as we speak.'

'Good!' Lisa cheered.

Jessy and Lisa went back up stairs. I stayed down a while and read to J.J., then we coloured, then he needed to be changed which I left for Mother and went back up. In Lisa's room Jessy lay across the bed, with her bare bottom sticking up as she leaned down over the far side to play Barbies with her. It was funny, in a cute kind of way. But at least she's free and clear today too.

After supper Lisa appeared in my doorway and asked if I wold join her and Jessy down in the TV room to watch 'Gold Diggers' on DVD. I looked up and saw she was all bare too now. 'Is this a thing, now, that we all have to do together?'

Lisa shrugged, cutely. 'I don't know. I just felt like it....' She twirled back and forth on the balls of her feet as though being bashful, though she really does like being naked. 'So... are you going to?'

I laughed. 'Yes, sweetie, if you insist.'

She giggled in delight and spun round to bound down the stairs. So I got out of everything I had on. It's been cool lately; there hasn't been any return of summer humidity since even before the storm, and the basement is particularly chilly. I drew out an armload of blankets from the hall cupboard before going down. 'What's that for?' Lisa asked, standing up in the centre of the room like she'd been directing Jessy where to sit.

I peeled one of the blankets off the pile. 'Well, it's not exactly warm down here,' I said.

'I want the green one!' Lisa claimed, and relieved me of the blanket. So much for her standing on principle.

So we all curled up, mostly in separate corners of the sofas, and watched 'Gold Diggers' on DVD. Mother came down after tucking in J.J. and sat in the side chair watching the last half of the movie with us. By that time the room had warmed up somewhat from our having been in it and none of us was very covered. In fact I lay half on my back and half on my side with the whole thing thrown off. This is the kind of freedom I love when I'm naked. I feel like half the Queen of Sheba, privileged and pampered, and half Eve, a poor innocent child in the woods. In a way I guess that says something about my personality.

And honestly, my parents do not mind that I loll round the house like this at all. I know that some people think it's arrogant... but it's not. It's the opposite-- it's actually very humbling. I am helpless and vulnerable, I cannot hide myself-- I can only be what I really am, natural and free. Some people think it's conceited... but it's not. I would never flaunt my body, because it's only what God gave me, so, not to me, not to me, but to Him be the glory. Some people think it's sexual... but it's not. If I feel totally piqued all over, it's because I am so immediately aware of everything-- the texture of the sofa, the least little breeze, a droplet of perspiration down the middle of my back-- but it's not arousing in the sense that my body's crying out for some sort of intimate attention. It's just a form of intense comfort, like my body and soul are both completely at ease, and the comfort itself is excitingly delightful. If I could really live like this-- and I mean all the time, in every part of my life-- I probably would. Then again... who wouldn't?

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