A boy and his bath

Tuesday 7 October 2008

I woke up this morning feeling refreshing-- of course-- and took my time in the shower and in prancing round before getting dressed for school. Jessy wasn't as jealous this time. In PE we were doing field hockey, which though it looks it is NOTHING like rounders. I made a goal almost all by myself (I say modestly) and Becky and I high-fived each other... like it actually counted for a game or something.

When we got home from school we learned that Daddy was going to be much later than expected, probably close to midnight. He is working with one of his artistes in the studio at Lewes and has been driving the almost-two-hours' ride back and forth about two or three times a week. I heard Mother telling him, 'Why don't you just stay over?' and then there was a pause as he told her why and then she said, 'Awww,' and got a little weak-kneed and I knew what his reason was.

Jessy was to go to a meeting of the Homecoming Committee at Rachel's house, and Mother had already committed to go to a church women's meeting, so she offered to drive Jessy to Rachel's house as long as Jessy could get her own ride home. I have to laugh at Mother going to that-- she's going to be half the age of most of the people there, or younger, and that doesn't affect her one bit. She has always been most comfortable round older people and they all always love her enthusiasm for what they hold dear. She really does belong to some earlier generation... maybe by about 200 years.

So I am to be on my own with our two little ones. This is hardly a hassle to me. They are both very good angels. After we had gelatin for dessert and I made sure J.J. had gone to the potty I left them in Lisa's room playing with blocks, cars, some dolls and I think a cookset. J.J.'s room is all the way at the other end of the house, as far from Lisa's as you can get on this floor, in fact, and he has been playing down here more and more in anticipation of moving up to the tower room above Lisa's one day. For now he is not allowed on those narrow, dark stairs and Lisa is very adept at steering into her own room to keep him within bounds. I made myself comfortable-- as though that needs explaining-- and sat at my round table with the dressing-alcove door open to the gallery so I could hear them, and they were fine... for a while. Lisa was singing gently as a part of whatever they were playing until I heard her say, as sternly as a five-year-old can sound, 'No, J.J. Don't touch that.'

He began to say something, but--

'NO,' she said, even more severely. I stopped typing and listened. Then came the slap.

J.J.'s wail went up like a police siren. I got up at once.

So often these things make you feel stupid and guilty-- you know, if I had got up fifteen seconds earlier this would not have got to this. But I knew he was wailing more of frustration than of pain either emotional or physical. I stomped up to the doorway and glared into the room with my hands on my hips.

'He was touching the wire,' she told me anxiously.

'She hit me!' he cried, and got up to rush to me for a hug.

I caught him, awkwardly round my knees. 'What wire?' I asked.

Lisa pointed to the lamp cord under her desk. 'You said we're not allowed to touch anything that's plugged in,' she said. 'Mummy said... I mean.' She looked about herself somewhat embarrassed at that slip. 'He was going to pull on it. I had to stop him.'

I nodded and looked down at the one now only lightly holding onto my bare leg. 'J.J.,' I said seriously, 'I'm sorry Lisa thought she had to slap you, but you know we don't play with things that are plugged in. That could be very dangerous and you could get hurt.'

'I'm sorry,' he said-- which he is very good at saying. Daddy calls it the politicians' school of morality-- better to do it and apologise halfheartedly afterwards than to ask for permission first and risk being denied.

I stooped and gave him a hug anyway, admitting him inside the unbuttoned shirt. 'It's almost time for a bath anyway,' I told him gently. 'Do you think I can help you have a bath now?'

He nodded eagerly. Unlike Lisa who sometimes gets confused about authority figures round here, little J.J. is always happy to take direction from either Jessy or me just because we are NOT Mother.

So the three of us repaired to the bathroom off the gallery and a bath was run for J.J. Lisa was good enough to run all the way down to his room and fetch some pyjamas and a clean Pull-Up and returned, carefully laying the stuff on the potty lid and then kneeling beside me at the side of the bath. 'Would you like to get in too?' I asked her, trying to make it sound inviting. 'Into this nice, warm bath water?'

She shrugged. 'You said boys and girls aren't supposed to have baths together,' she said.

'Oh, but that's for big girls and boys,' I said innocently. 'I think it would be all right, if--'

'I just want to help you,' she said.

'Fair enough,' I said.

J.J. sat in the water half facing her and they played with some of the bath toys as I finished rinsing his hair with the cup we keep in there just for that. I had taken off the shirt and was leaning over to wash him when he happened to look up and, seeing the obvious, and being two and a half, he lifted one soapy hand and laid his whole palm on my bare breast.

I was not as startled by this as I might have expected. It'd have been stupid to think he wouldn't ever investigate me at this range. But then he said, 'Janine is pretty, like Mummy.'

Now THAT made me blush. Lisa only knelt there, watching him try to keep his hand there as I went on washing his back and bottom. But, of course, it was over. 'Now, J.J.,' I said calmly, 'it's impolite to touch people like that without asking first.'

Lisa seemed to nod agreement at that. She's not too little to know how a big girl's body is different from a little boy's! 'Why?' J.J. asked.

Good question! 'Well,' I said, 'it's how we show respect. You don't see the rest of us doing anything like that to each other, do you?'

'But everybody's always touching ME,' he said. 'YOU didn't ask first!'

I smiled and then shook water from my hands and looked him in the eye. 'Very well, then. Would you like to finish washing yourself?"

Here was a new challenge! He nodded, without a second thought. So I sat back on my ankles in the middle of the bathroom floor to watch him.

He picked up the wet cloth and began slowly, even carefully sloshing it round himself. Lisa hid a giggle. But we let him go on and he was very good at remembering where I had just washed him and doing it again. 'Don't forget your face,' Lisa reminded.

Even though he might not have wanted me to I did lean in and help him with that part. 'Close eyes!' I instructed, as Daddy used to with us, and rinsed off his face with several cupfuls of water. Then I picked him up and Lisa and and I towelled him off-- and he seemed to not remember ever complaining that he was being touched by other people again.

It was past 7.30 but Lisa and I decided to have milk and cookies before she had her own bath. Mother came home just before I was ready to escort him up to his room. I was still in just the pale-blue cover-up shirt and with damp hair from J.J.'s bath. She started to praise me for being such a good childminder but I would not hear of it and made sure she knew how Lisa had helped. I did tell her about the slapping incident but that was after Lisa went up to run her own bath.

While Mother was seeing J.J. off to his bed I checked in on Lisa, sitting like a little pixie amidst too much bubble-bath. She asked me to wash her hair and I took off the shirt again and knelt beside the bath. Of course she asked me what I thought of J.J.'s bit of investigation but I was feeling very clever and said, 'He's just a little boy, and he's curious.'

'Well I think it was impolite,' she said very prudishly, even sticking out her bottom lip then.

I smiled her and said, 'But we can't hold that against him, sweetie. He certainly didn't mean to be impolite, and we can all be patient enough to teach him when he needs to know.'

'Are you mad because I slapped his hand?' she asked then.

'I think you slapped him because you were afraid he would get hurt,' I said, 'and that's different from slapping him because you wanted to be mean... isn't it?' She nodded. 'I just think there might be other ways to keep him from getting hurt. Then again... I wasn't there at the moment, so I can't say.'

'Well I just love my baby brother and didn't want him to get hurt.'

'And I am sure he loves you for being such a good big sister.'

She seemed very proud of herself then.

After Mother tucked them each in I made my own rounds and gave them each a kiss goodnight too.

People say I am very good with children. When I was little, like Lisa's age, both my parents were very sweet and affectionate as well as being very intelligent and logical. They never used 'baby talk' and always answered anything we asked when they could. And then we had our nanny, who has become our new mother, and she has always been affectionate and fun and sensible with us too. I suppose it only makes sense that I would be something like that with my own younger siblings. I never thought I would be anything but a fun mother who is more like a big sister herself than a really responsible parent, but maybe there is something to being big-sister-like after all, because these two little kids have two great parents as well as two fun and responsible big sisters, and they're turning out fine.

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