Daddy over dinner

*** This is from October but remained in my journal till past its date and is now included here. ***

My Daddy has the silliest sense of humour in the world. He is not really cynical or disrespectful, but he has the kind of wit that can see something funny in almost everything, even the most serious situations. One of his favourite things is to mock road signs along the side of the road. The other day he came home saying he has seen a sign up on Route 13 somewhere: FREE HORSE MANURE.

Naturally we all laughed at that-- over dinner, even little Lisa after she was told what horse manure was-- by Mother of course, who then tried to come up with perfectly sensible reasons why anyone on the Eastern Shore might actually WANT 'horse poopies', as Lisa called it. Little J.J. got it immediately and actually asked how they collect it. 'Do they put a diaper on the horse?' he asked.

We all went on laughing as Daddy went off on just about every possible application of it--

- 'Free? Free? Do you mean the guy down the block is charging a dollar a pound?

- 'Well of course it should be free. Set it free! Freedom for all horse manure!

- 'Do you think I need MORE of it? I get horse manure just walking outside! I'm constantly getting it from everyone all day!

- 'And what would be the procedure here? You would go up to the door, and ask him, "Hello, you're giving away horse manure? Can I have about seventy pounds, please?" And would he shovel it for you, or would you have to shovel your own? And do you have to bring your own shovel? What would people say if they saw the shovel in the back of your car? "Oh, that's just for the horse manure."'

- 'What if a cop stopped you on the way home? "What's that you've got there?" "Oh, this truck is just full of horse manure."'

- 'And when you got home, what would you say? "Honey, I'm home! And I've got the horse manure! Where do you want it?"'

Needless to say we were all giggling like idiots... except Mother of course who tried to giggle intelligently while pretending to disapprove of the topic at the table.

This is not out of the ordinary for Daddy at all. On any trip, or when he comes home from having been on the road somewhere, he will comment on nonsensical road signs along the way. Some of his favourites are:

Sign: FIRE HOUSE
Daddy: 'Yes, absolutely, fire him. House is the worst town councilman we've ever had!'

Sign: SLOW CHILDREN
Daddy: 'That's not fair, making fun of them like that. They can't help having a learning disability.'

Sign: WATCH CHILDREN
Daddy: 'Do they do tricks?'

Sign: DEAF CHILD IN AREA
Daddy: 'Why is that there? He won't hear us if we honk.'

Sign: CHURCH
Daddy: 'What is that, a suggestion for travellers who are bored of every other topic of conversation? -"Well, what do you think of church?" -"Well, I suppose it serves a necessary function in society...."'

Sign: ROAD MAY BE SLIPPERY
Daddy: 'Well is it, or not? That sign gives no information.'

Sign: BRIDGE FREEZES BEFORE ROAD SURFACE
Daddy: 'Was that a contest? Subtitle: ROAD SURFACE VOWS TO TRY HARDER NEXT SEASON.'

Sign: MEN WORKING
Daddy: 'Why is it always only ONE man, and the rest just standing around with Thermos bottles? It should say "MAN working".'

And his all-time favourite:

Sign: WORKERS IN TREES
Daddy: 'Let me get this straight. Grown adults, climbing in trees like little kids, and getting paid. I think I want that job.'

...