The truth comes out

May 20, 2009

I have been feeling a little down lately about the prom which is tomorrow night. Well, of course no one asked me. It was subtly mentioned to me a few times, mostly by other girls with whom I am not so friendly, people who need to know what the status of everyone else is. And Janine remains dateless. Well-- there are perfectly sensible reasons for that-- the first is that there are significantly more girls than boys at this school in every grade, and all the 9th- and 10th-grade girls are competing with the upper classes to get invited to the 11-12 prom. And the nice guys in the theatre programme all get taken pretty quickly. Next come the boys in the choir, outnumbered about four to one by eager girls who know how to bat eyes and get invited to prom early. Then there are the dynastic couples who have known each other since nursery school and even though it doesn't look like they're dating, whenever an important event comes up they're locked together at the elbows like Siamese twins. And then there is the guys' point of view, because the farmboys and gearheads and jocks know for certain that they can have their choice of girls for anything they want them for... which is usually unsavoury anyway, although the girls are so glad to be chosen that they'll do anything for it. So, why should any of these guys want to go for the preachy prissy chick from a different country who lives in an unassailable castle?

I really did not expect to be asked. It will be a long time before Jessy and I live down the 'new girl' stigma. But I really did expect a little too much from these local people.

The conversation I heard about was that two or three guys in a certain friend's class were talking about whom to ask to the prom and I got mentioned as a possible candidate. But someone said, 'You don't want to mess with her dad.' And someone else said, 'She would probably think you weren't good enough.' And then of course one of them said something about my legs being glued together. And they very promptly moved on to the next girl.

And although she is absolutely the prettiest girl in the entire school, my sister Jessy didn't get mentioned in that conversation at all-- possibly for being in only 10th grade... but who can be sure?

I discussed this with my friend Becky, who in spite of being somewhat shy and far too moral and modest for some people is actually pretty well aware of what goes on socially in this school. And she said what I expected someone to say-- 'You don't need them, Janine. You're better off without them.' That was not what I wanted to hear. Then she told me that a couple of boys with whom I have always been friendly here said, in other company, that they thought I was 'scary'.

'What do you mean, "scary"?' I wanted to know.

'They think you don't want to have anything to do with them,' she said.

'Since when did I ever say that?'

Becky made a face and looked down as we walked. 'I think they don't want to go out with someone who's, you know.... Well, I think they think you would judge them.'

'On what?'

'On being... you know. Poor.'

I stomped my foot. 'My God. Have I ever judged anyone? I can't help who my father is.'

'A guy's ego is a delicate thing,' she said. 'I mean-- if a guy showed up to take you to prom in a pickup truck--'

'My God,' I said. 'Do they really think I would judge that?'

'Maybe they're just afraid of feeling, you know... not good enough. Like they have to be something else, other than what they are.'

'What a man has to be is comfortable with what he really is,' I said. 'Modesty is always better than dishonesty.'

She looked at me. 'You really believe that?'

I made a face. 'Becky, this is me, remember.'

She laughed. 'I wish I were going with you to the prom now. I would love to see their reaction.'

I shrugged. 'It will be as expected. No one will applaud or anything, Becky.'

Becky's family are taking advantage of the extra day off this weekend and going away. I kind of envy her. But Jessy and I have lots planned this weekend too. 'You've got to let me know how it turns out,' she said.

'Oh... I'm sure you'll hear about it.'

I was able to draw on enough self-confidence and enough of being comfortable with who I am to actually look forward to tomorrow night. But I can't say I expect it to be a stunning night all round.

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